I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
