last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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