She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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