It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
