He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
