i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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