Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She bit a glass in half.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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