Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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