can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
