Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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