it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
