well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
