If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
