Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
