Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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