so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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