Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
