If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
