whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
