just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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