on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
