The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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