never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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