It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
