he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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