Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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