I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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