OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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