He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
