so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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