I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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