i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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