god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I touched a dick in church today
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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