I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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