Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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