he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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