some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize