Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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