Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
