I got chris browned last night
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
