Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
