Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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