He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
