I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
