i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
