He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
