Ambien. No doubt about it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize