I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
