Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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