Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
