I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Holy sore nipples Batman
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
