I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
