that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I could fuck to npr.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
