Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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