I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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