so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
