i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
