I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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