I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i need some magic done to my vagina
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
