He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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