I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
