Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
