If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
