I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
