i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
