i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
