Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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