I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
