i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
