I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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