after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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