i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
