he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
