rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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