You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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