you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
