how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
