then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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