i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
