my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Less talking, more tequila
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
