Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
