after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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