I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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