I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
