It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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