the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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