Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
