i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
