My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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