The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize