Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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